TangledWings

For All You Bottle Rocket Fans Out There

I'm pleased to introduce the newest member of our little family--Dignan...well, officially Dignan George...A.K.A. Dig, diggie-diggie-diggie, Digger, the Dig Meister, Diggie G (his rap name),  Diggie Baby, Digatha, and whatever else we happen to come up with at the time.

A couple months ago a little kitten showed up at our door.  It was cold that night and neither T nor I had the heart to leave it outside so we brought it in...and fed it...and watered it...and let it sleep with us at night.  We posted 'Found' fliers at the local grocery store and put an ad up at the national on-line lost pet site.  After a week we had about decided it was ours which was good because I had named him.  I would pick him up, turn him on his back, cradle him like a baby and tell him, "I want to hug you and squeeze you and love you and call you George"...and thus we called him George.  (Please, if you are a loony toons fan will you tell me how that saying really goes and which character said it.  I can't remember.)  The same day I decided to actually buy a few cat supplies the owner called and claimed him.  I don't know about the boys but I was heartbroken.  I had really gotten attached to the little thing...the sound of his little bell ringing through the house...the way he'd cuddle up on one of the kitchen chairs in the sun...the way he'd sleep under the blankets at my feet.  There was a very tearful walk down the block to deliver him to his real home and at the time I told T that I would be going to Pet Smart the following weekend to get us a cat.  Sometimes you don't realize what you're missing until you get it and then loose it again...and we were missing a pet...at least I was. 

I didn't really commit to a serious pet search because it was too close to the holidays and I didn't have the extra money...and T wasn't totally sold on the idea.  Then when my parents were down for Christmas my step-father spotted the cat food in the cabinet and I told him the story of how we had a cat for a week and how I'd really like to have another one but I just couldn't afford it.  He said he wished he had known because the parents of one of his classmates had two cats they were trying to find a home for.  They were moving into a small trailer and just didn't have room for the cats.  He said he'd e-mail and find out if they had found homes for both the cats and I really didn't think much more about it.  Then on New Year's Day my mom told me that my cat would be riding from Kentucky with my step-father's classmate.

I was a little worried at first because 1) T hadn't actually said I could have the cat and 2) we hadn't asked our landlord if we could have a pet in the home.  After much begging (but not as much begging as I had to do for the Foo Fighters tickets) T agreed to let me have the cat if our landlord said it was okay.  Because we have been such good tenants the landlord didn't have a problem with it...and didn't even charge us a pet deposit.  Now the only issue was how we were actually going to get the cat to Lubbock.  The cat rode from Kentucky to Dallas and has been staying with my parents for the past few weeks.  When I went to Dallas last week I brought him back home with me.

He's sweet...and huge...and sheds like crazy...and has massive claws that he likes to use on the furniture...in other words this will be an adjustment for us.  The B-Dog loves him but I can't say the feeling is mutual.  Most of the time when B enters the room Dignan quickly exits.  And the B-Dog has been quite upset that Dignan won't sleep with him.  I assured him that with time Dignan would get used to him and would change his mind...god, I certainly hope so...

Oh and about the name...Dignan is Owen Wilson's character's name in the movie Bottle Rocket (one of my favorites).  There was some debate over the name.  I wanted Dignan.  The B-Dog wanted George.  I didn't want George because we had already had a George...the B-Dog quickly reminded me that we didn't have a George...George's real name was Church (we found that out when we took him back to his owner)...he's such a smarty pants.  So we ended up compromising on Dignan George.

For a few more pictures of Mr. D. George click here.    

Reflections on the Dallas trip...in list format

• the Foo Fighters concert was most excellent.  if you ever have the opportunity to see them perform do it.  you won't be disappointed.  they put on an amazing show.
• it was like getting 2 concerts in one--there was the loud rockin' grunge portion you'd expect and then they lowered another stage at the other end of the runway where they performed an acoustic portion...both equally fabulous
• our seats were so close that with my binoculars i could tell you what color boxers Mr. Grohl was wearing that evening...when he lifted his guitar up in the air at one point they were peaking out from his pants
• Dave Grohl has got to be one of the most likable people in rock & roll.  how can you not like Dave Grohl? 
• that being said I was a little worried about the young children (11-14 years old) attending the concert with their parents.  i hoped their parents had seen Dave perform and knew beforehand that he likes to use a lot of what we like to call in our home 'grown up words'...if not they were in for a big surprise.
• that little Chris Shifflet has got to be one of the cutest things I've ever seen...he was sportin' the scruffy look...I liked it.
• Pat Smear was there performing with them and that was an exciting treat
• performing before the Foo Fighters were both Against Me (never heard of them before that night) and Jimmy Eat World
• i'm about to seriously date myself with this next comment--i thought against me had a very 80's hair band sound (Ratt, Cinderella, Poison, the Scorpions)...i half expected them bust into Round and Round at any moment
• T knows a guy who used to play with Jimmy Eat World before they became famous
• the B-Dog didn't like the Foo Fighter wrist band i bought him at the concert...damn it...i told him he could just give it back then but he won't
• we meet up with some co-workers of T's from the Dallas branch for happy hour before the concert...i was dreading it but it turned out to be a lot of fun
• i heart IKEA...this was my first trip to an IKEA and I fell in love immediately
• i heart Forever 21...man, what excellent prices
• i bought 2 hats at Forever 21...one of them is a fedora...not sure when and with what I'm going to wear it but it was calling to me
• P.F. Chang's rocks...and their Great Wall of Chocolate cake is to die for
• my mom and I went to our first dinner/movie theater...how cool is it to go to a theater with a full menu...including a bar...and sit there watching the movie while eating your meal...does life get any better than that
• i saw both Juno and Michael Clayton while in Dallas
• i heart Juno
• Anthropologie had both it's highs and it's lows:  highs--adorable clothes that i fell in love with, so many cute skirts that i wish i could have purchased, a few shirts that i really, really wanted too, wonderful service from women who knew their stuff.  lows--good god those prices, YIKES, i can't wear their dresses, i had to go up 1-2 sizes in their dresses to accommodate the fact that i actually have boobs, going up that many sizes meant the bottom portion of the dress looked like a tent that swallowed me right up...it just didn't work, i can't wear their pants...i'm WAY to short, i noticed a petite line at the web site but not at the store
• we found a bakery in the Highland Park area that I swear makes the best cookies I've tasted in a long, long time
• we also found a flower shop i fell in love with...but whose prices were just as bad as anthropologie's
• i heart World Market and can't wait until the one they're currently building here is complete
• P.F. Chang's is even better as left overs...and how can you not love the cute little take home containers they put your food in
• the Traders Village was a let down...not the kind of flea market I was hoping for
• but while there I collected a zip lock baggie full of smashed bottle caps (see last Monday's random post)...and i could have found more had i had time to scour the rest of the massive parking lot
• shopping in Granbury was probably my favorite portion of the trip...other than the concert of course...and maybe P.F. Chang's
• i think i may have gained 10 pounds while i was gone...i ate entirely too much
• i didn't write a single poem while i was away...but i did take tons of pics
• and finally, i did come home with a new member of the family...check in tomorrow...

When Death Takes You Off Guard

I've been laying low the past week.  It's been an emotional time for my family.  My uncle, someone who meant a lot to me and others in my family, died last Saturday (September 30th).  He was just one of those people so full of life that the thought of his being gone, at least physically, has been hard to wrap my head around.  Life, at least for my family, won't be the same without him.  He won't be there to keep us all laughing.  He won't be there to pull pranks and make jokes.  He won't be there to make fun of my mom which I think was one of his biggest enjoyments at family gatherings.  He just won't be there and that thought is a lot to comprehend.

As people have offered their condolences over the past week they've asked if his death was expected.  Well, yes and no.  In April I wrote a post about his cancer diagnosis.  We are a very close knit family and had yet to lose a member of our little tribe to death.  He would be, and was, the first.  So on the one hand, yes, it was expected.  He had liver cancer.  The prognosis was grim.  We all knew that.  We knew even if we really couldn't grasp it, that he was dying.  But on the other hand it took us, at least me anyway, by surprise.  I don't think any of us expected his death to come so soon.  I for one thought it would take a little longer, be a little more drawn out.  I certainly didn't want him to suffer but I think I also assumed there would be more time, time in the hospital, maybe even time at home with Hospice.  When I received the call from my mom last Saturday letting me know he'd been taken to the emergency room because he was experiencing pain it never crossed my mind that he might not make it.  When my sister called in tears I know I made her repeat the news at least three times.  It just wouldn't sink in.  So in that regards it was unexpected. 

When you think you have time you put off doing and saying the important things.  I thought we had time so a lot of my grief over the past week has been because someone I loved dearly is no longer here and I didn't tell him how much he meant to me.  I didn't get a chance to tell him goodbye.  I didn't get to tell him I loved him.  My aunt assures me he knew and that he loved all of us in return.  If he had to leave this earth for whatever is next I just wish I could have tied a ribbon around his waist with my name embroidered on it, a little symbolic measure that says you were loved by me.  Yes, he knew he was loved.  But I wish I had had the chance to tell him he was loved by me. 

I was honored to be asked by my aunt to write a poem about my uncle that was distributed at his funeral last Wednesday.  I was honored...but that doesn't mean it was easy.  It wasn't easy at all.  How do you put into words what someone's life meant to the people that knew and loved him?  You can't, not fully  or comprehensively.  Words are powerful and yet they can still fall short.  They are never as powerful as love.  They are only a glimmer of love.

You never know how death will impact you until it happens.  I had no idea I would sit on the floor of my bedroom and cry until my head hurt, my nose was running, and I had nothing left.  I had no idea that little times throughout the day it would hit me again--he's gone.  I had no idea it would be so hard to write something in honor of his life.  I had no idea that when I saw him in his casket at the funeral home for the first time it would be so hard, that I would need to touch is hand to let him know he meant so much to me.  I had no idea I wouldn't be able to call and say thank you to those who have sent flowers because it would bring all the tears up again.  I had no idea grief could be so exhausting.  I had no idea I would just want to lay low and hide from the world for awhile.  I had no idea I could go back to my everyday life so easily and yet still feel that occasional twinge of loss surface from time to time.

I just had no idea.   

Family Therapy

I read a quote yesterday that really resonated with me after this past weekend's events.  I would be lying to you if I said that since Saturday there hasn't been many tears shed, many doubts circled, and many threats of never picking up my camera again.  But then this quote gave me back my power:

"When you're frightened, don't sit still, keep on doing something.  The act of doing will give you back your courage."  Grace Ogot

And so I have been doing something.  I've been playing around with photos of the people I love most, the ones that make my heart sing.  Over the past couple of days it's been helpful to step away from the wedding pics and the photos I've taken for every one else lately and focus on what brings me joy--the smiles that can't help but make me smile.