The Ickey Side of ArtFest

Before I tell you about the actual workshops I participated in last week there was another aspect of ArtFest I wanted to address--the icky aspect.

One of the reasons I wanted to attend ArtFest was because of all the fabulous things I've heard other bloggers say about it, like how freeing and life changing it is and how healing it can be.  I've read about connections that were made, friendships that were forged, super cool techniques that were learned, and shifts in perspective that were facilitated by the wonder that is ArtFest.  And all those things are true.  Every single one of them.  I can attest to that because now I have gone to ArtFest myself.  Unfortunately for me, and others with a similar personality as mine, all those wonderful things don't actually happen until about 3 to 4 days into ArtFest.  The first couple days or so are consumed with feeling totally overwhelmed.  For those of you who make friends easily and can carry on conversations without any problems and for those who feed off the energy and excitement of others you will probably love ArtFest from the get go.  But then there is me and others like me who are a bit shy and very introverted.  For me, even with having my little band of peeps, it was really, really hard.  The best description that comes to mind is the first day of junior high at a brand new school.  I felt like that new girl, like everyone else knew each other and had their little band of friends and I was the one trying to find a place to fit in.  I remember walking to lunch the first day praying all the way to the cafeteria that I would find someone to sit with (thank god for Kelly Rae and Misty Mawn).  I felt really alone and out of place.  And I even had moments of just wanting to go home.  It felt just like junior high all over again.  All those issues of wanting to be liked and wanted, wanting to fit in and belong, all crawl to the surface...and that is an icky, icky feeling.  I kept thinking, my god, I'll be 35 next month.  Why do I suddenly feel like I'm 13. 

I wanted to talk about this because some of you reading may be thinking about attending ArtFest next year or some other time in the future and if you do and if you start feeling these same icky, junior high feelings I wanted you to know you aren't alone.  I felt them too.  As a first timer it is easy to feel like the newbie trying to forge a place for yourself, trying to find someone that will include you.  And it sucks.  It's just a very icky feeling that surfaces that you have to deal with.  Maybe that's a good thing (even though it doesn't feel so good) because it reminds us of those places within that still need attention, that still need a little tenderness.  It reminds us that being self-sufficient is great but humans are also made for relationships and as such we all still long for a place to belong, a group to connect with, a person to sit with during lunch.  And for me personally, it challenges me to move outside of myself and do the things that don't come easily...like starting a conversation with a complete stranger.

I also wanted to talk about this because so often you hear about the fabulous aspects of ArtFest and rarely does anyone talk about the things that aren't so great.  One might begin to think it's all candy and roses.  It's not.  There are aspect that are really challenging...and I don't mean techniques you learn in the workshops.  For me this was one of those challenging aspects.  All those uncomfortable junior high feelings just feel icky.  As wonderful as ArtFest is the icky comes along with it and I found myself enjoying the fabulous while also struggling with the icky.   

Comments

[donna]

love the honesty-i went to artfest yr 1. No one else i knew was going and i was terrified. I am basically shy-but forged right in. One thing that really helped in those early yrs was the dining hall. (NOT the commons) It had looong tables where everyone sat-they served family style and you talked to alot of people-everyone talked about the classes they were taking or would take, and at lunch/dinner, you did the same-great conversation starter. It really changed when they put the new dining room in-w/the round tables. I share your "pain" and hope you really came away with more good feelings than bad~

[donna]

love the honesty-i went to artfest yr 1. No one else i knew was going and i was terrified. I am basically shy-but forged right in. One thing that really helped in those early yrs was the dining hall. (NOT the commons) It had looong tables where everyone sat-they served family style and you talked to alot of people-everyone talked about the classes they were taking or would take, and at lunch/dinner, you did the same-great conversation starter. It really changed when they put the new dining room in-w/the round tables. I share your "pain" and hope you really came away with more good feelings than bad~

[Marilyn]

I suspect the icky/wonderful ratio would tip rather heavily toward icky for my very introverted self. So glad you wrote these very honest posts. I know myself well enough to know that I'd probably be in that place...and would have to choose whether or not the payoff would be worth it. Hope it was (worth it) for you.

[lucy]

I applaud you for your honesty. I am SURE I would have had a similar experience had I been there. It is hard trying to fit in and feel connected in large groups when all we are trying to do first and foremost is find ourselves, and feel comfortable in our skin.

[Hanna]

Came her from Leah's blog Creative Everyday and I hear ya girls. I live in Sweden so I don't know if I'll ever be at an ArtFest (though I so want to) but I'm an introvert too and I loved that yous shared your story. Maybe for next time we should make little pins that say "I'm an introvert" so that others know? Or make a club and sit all alone together? Hehe.

take care!

[leah]

oh, i could so relate to this and i appreciate hearing your experience...makes me feel like less of a fruit loop! i had a lot of trouble connecting with people at artfest. the sheer magnitude of it all seemed to overwhelm me.

[red tin heart]

I am introverted too. You do make an excellent observation . I think life in general is hard for introverts because there is an acute awareness of ourselves feeling different. I have been working really hard at being more open. But it is part of a persons personality so it is very hard.
I think it is neat that you opened yourself up just to go at all.
That takes courage.
xoxo Nita

[Liz]

Thanks for the honest perspective... never have been to Artfest, but have been to similar events, and the getting lost in the crowd of people who know each other, the people who can make conversation easily with people they don't know, the people who make large social events look so effortless... is a familiar feeling. I go back to being 13 in so many group situations, which leads me to believe that most of us probably spend some time in groups, feeling outside. Just part of the experience? probably. Fun? never.

[Thea]

you my darling are addressing something very real, and I anticipate feeling these exact things next year (when I hopefully attend artsfest:) even though on the outside I appear to be pretty chatty.

Love you

[Thea]

you my darling are addressing something very real, and I anticipate feeling these exact things next year (when I hopefully attend artsfest:) even though on the outside I appear to be pretty chatty.

Love you

[kelly]

i think i would be the same way.
love your honesty

[Jamie]

Hello Sweet Michelle,

You were the quintessential room mate - polite, very quiet and tidy. While I always try to be polite, I am not always tidy.

Parts of ArtFest were quite overwhelming for me, as well. My brain was so incredibly torched that I actually prayed as I walked into the cafeteria that I could find a table to be alone. I'm usually not like that at all but there were times when I didn't have two brain cells left to carry on a conversation. Please know, you were not alone in that respect.

I also know exactly what you mean about the Friday night trading frenzy. I was sad to have given all of my trades away so early on. I'll know better for next time.

I do want to thank you again for your trades. I have them sitting on my desk right next to me. I am looking forward to putting them in frames and hanging three of them together. Wish, Nest and Blossom. They tell a perfect little story of your sensitivity as an artist, your courageousness as a first timer and your hopefulness as a human being.

[Beth]

thanks for being so honest. and you are right....nobody talks about the icky and I'm so glad you did.
I wish others out there would be as honest as you have been about artfest...there's always good with the bad, but somehow people don't share what they didn't like about artfest...now why is that ??
I have never been to artfest and to this day, I'm still feeling it's just not the right thing for me.
maybe someday I'll change my mind, but for now, I'm good where I'm at.

[stef]

You could totally be talking about me in this post, it's EXACTLY what I'd be feeling. The junior high thing is so damn true. Thank you for being honest about the icky and the truth about us shy, introverted selves. I'm so proud of you for going and getting out of your comfort zone, we all need to do this with ourselves. slow and easy....can't wait to hear about artfest more :)
xoxo

[Star]

What kindred souls we are (I keep thinking this as I see the books in your sidebar and know that we travel a similar path). This would be me through and through, and I wouldn't have the benefit of my own band of peeps to fall back on. I commend you from deep within my heart for putting yourself out there and claiming your place.

[megg]

you are so brave and honest -

I love that you tell it like it is!

I miss you my friend!!!

[kelly rae]

thanks for keeping it real, michelle. artfest really is so many emotions in such a short amt of time, isn't it?
xoxo

[liz elayne]

i'm so glad you talked about this...i think it is true of any big gathering of people (or small for that matter)...we can have those moments when we just don't feel like we are part of things in the way we want to. and others can be so absorbed in their own fun and connection (i write this knowing i am guilty of this), that they forget the times when they felt overwhelmed.

i felt this way for the first day or two at my first artfest and then last year at art fiber fest...those feelings of please, please, please like me...

i am proud of you for pushing yourself and for sharing all the bits of your experience.

(wish you were here enjoying cocoa and talking to me while i iron tonight)