The Gift of Thursday Nights

Thursday nights have become my favorite night of the week.  I have exchanged Ugly Betty and Grey's Anatomy for a dinner date with myself and a two hour chunk of time to do nothing but write and talk about writing.  I think I've mentioned that I've been attending a Thursday night writing group.  Although it certainly isn't the group I always dreamed of having it still feeds me.  I imagined connections and friendships and deep talks about the relationship between the self and the words.  Instead there are just two of us, me and the facilitator, and we don't have contact outside of Thursday nights.  But I'll take what I can get and continue to wish for, pray for, conjure, a group that meets more of my need for creative and truthful expression. 

Even though it hasn't been all I dreamed it would be, the opportunity to meet once a week, write, and share my words with a fellow writer has gifted me in many ways.  It is giving me confidence in my voice and my ability.  I'm writing with a young woman who has her masters in creative writing (or something like that) and I'm finding that I can write right along side her.  I can hang.  She has more education, and in some ways more experience, but I haven't sensed a huge separation between us as far as the level of our writing goes.  And that was something I feared when I first begin attending.  There was this fear, this insecurity within me, that I would feel, well, like my writing sucked compared to hers.  I'm discovering it doesn't and I need that.  That is probably very ego based but I think as artists, hell, as humans, we long to feel that what we have to offer is valuable, beautiful, and meaningful.  It's not praise that's needed so much as affirmation.  It is that need to know that what is so important to me isn't complete shit.  It's those bits and pieces of affirmation that keeps one doing what one loves to do.  And that affirmation is important because when your soul is deeply connected to your art, whatever that medium might be, you want to sense that it is being seen and honored, not overlooked and crushed to pieces.  I don't know that affirmation is essential as much as it is important...hmmmm...this is something I want to toss around some more because it's an intriguing thought--the importance and place of affirmation.

Another very unexpected gift my Thursday night group has given me is the growing ability to see the value in aging.  As we write and then read our pieces aloud I have become more aware of how aging can not only add an edge of maturity to ones writing and acceptance of ones writing, but it also yields so many more rich experiences to draw from.  More than once I have left the group with a new perspective on my life.  Its helping me see that I actually have had a pretty fascinating life with some really incredible experiences.  Of course you don't have to be older to have a wealth of fascinating and incredible life experiences.  But being older certainly does give more time to have more fascinating and incredible life experiences.    That has been important to me because often I look at my life and think it hasn't been interesting, that its boring and ordinary and, well, not enough.  But when I see myself drawing from my own personal experiences in our various writing exercises I begin to feel okay about where my life is and what my life thus far has been.   

I'm also learning that it's okay to have nights of really shitty writing.  That's going to happen.  Sometimes I feel empty or tired.  Sometimes it just isn't flowing.  Sometimes I know what I want to say but can't quite get it right.  I seem to be working around it but can't quite get to it.  And that's okay.  Let it go and move on.  There is more that needs to be written and it will come in many forms...sometimes that form being really terrible writing.

I guess it can all be summed up by saying every time I show up and write, no matter what comes out, and then share my words with someone else, I am being gifted not only with the growth that comes from practice but the self-acceptance that comes from seeing your truth, owning your voice, honoring and holding on to what worked and acknowledging and letting go of what didn't.

Comments

[pink sky]

sound like a divine evening...and you know i am a HUGE fan of your writing. xo

[Sam]

What is it that Anne Lamott says...about having really shitty first drafts? I am so happy that you are part of a writing group, what a beautiful gift to give yourself. You are indeed mighty with a pen (and with a camera) and I love that you're getting so many life lessons along with the writing experience. As for the affirmation we need for our art/craft...absolutely. It doesn't mean that we think we are better than the next person on a human level...just our STUFF is better or as good as their stuff. :)

[Sam]

What is it that Anne Lamott says...about having really shitty first drafts? I am so happy that you are part of a writing group, what a beautiful gift to give yourself. You are indeed mighty with a pen (and with a camera) and I love that you're getting so many life lessons along with the writing experience. As for the affirmation we need for our art/craft...absolutely. It doesn't mean that we think we are better than the next person on a human level...just our STUFF is better or as good as their stuff. :)

[Beth]

thanks for all your honest and thoughtful writing and happy happy birthday to your favorite little guy !
:) beth
www.moredoors.blogspot.cpm

[Thea]

This is so wonderful that you have found this thursday night writing retreat of sorts. All the great things stand out above the other stuff.

You go with your bad ass writing self.

Roar girl.

XO
love you

[Imelda / GreenishLady]

This entire post is wonderful, and that final paragraph does sum it up (though once you're writing, I'd not worry too much about the letting go yet!) I think a group of the right people will manifest for you. Be open to the people who say "I'd love to be writing" around you, or "I used to write..." Grab them! Explore!

[Nic Hohn]

I love reading your writing and heartfelt posts!Thank you for sharing....

[gkgirl]

i think you have hit on many
relevant points in this...
the owning your words,
the self acceptance,
the needing to put it out there
in order to really gauge
whether it is working or not,
and definitely what you said
about life experience...
i have no doubt that you can hold
your own with other writers,
you are mighty with a pen.
:)

[darlene]

i used to belong to a writing group back when i was in university and it was so incredibly empowering. i think i need to seek that out again ~ thank you for the inspiration.

what a wonderful thing you are doing for yourself, it makes me smile to know you are giving yourself this wonderful thursday gift, i will think of you next thursday evening and smile :) xo

[deirdre]

A regular writing group is a tremendous gift to yourself. The right group will let you bloom in ways you can't even imagine yet. Congratulations for getting past the nervousness and letting the words lead you.

[liz elayne]

i love that these thursdays are giving you all these gifts...