The Final Day of Workshops at ArtFest

When I woke up Saturday morning I seriously considered skipping the day's workshop.  After two days of writing all I really wanted to do was write some more.  I thought I might just walk to the beach (only a few yards away from the dorms), find myself a seat on a comfortable fallen tree trunk, and write until I couldn't write any longer, until my fingers cramped and my brain was mush.  But then I remembered the adorable rings Kim made the previous day in a workshop taught by the same teacher and I felt excited about the possibilities.

Well peeps let me just say it doesn't look like jewelry making is my thing.  The workshop was call Pray Box Jewelry and the teacher was Susan Lenart-Kazmer.  Susan makes incredible, eclectic jewelry.  Stuff I might not ever wear but super cool all the same.  You can check out some of her work at this link.  I was really frustrated with the class, not because Susan wasn't a good teacher and not because the workshop sucked.  It was just me.  I was totally out of my element.  That's not necessarily a bad thing because it pushes you to learn new skills and stretch yourself.  But on the last day of ArtFest, when I was exhausted both physically and emotionally, it was just a lot to tackle.  I was a little frustrated with the way the class was taught.  Susan demonstrated the techniques from start to finish and then let us start creating.  Well by the time we got around to creating I couldn't remember how to do anything.  And I was disappointed that what we created looked nothing like the picture on the web-site that drew me to the class to begin with.  I thought the picture was an illustration of what we would be making and I loved it.  But that's not what we made.  Several women in the class made some really remarkable pieces...and multiple pieces at that.  I was lucky to walk out of that workshop 6 hours later with one completed piece.

Basically we were given a kit that contained a square of cooper, some wire, and some itty-bitty washers.  From that square of cooper we cut the shape of our "container", heated it with a blow torch to make it more workable, and molded it into a shape using various tools that I don't know the names of.  We used the wire to create handles and a trapeze so that it would have a little bit of a swinging action.  This required the use of a drimmel and using the blow torch once again to "make a bead" at the end of the wire to prevent it from coming out to the drimmel hole.  Are you following me?  Yeah...it was way over my head too.  For me the coolest part of the class was this resin paper Susan created that we could use as accessories.  I guess she coated sheets of paper with this special resin formula and, when dry, the paper became brittle and almost transparent.  Really cool.  Sadly we didn't get to learn how to make that. 

About 3 hours into the workshop I started wishing I had followed through with my morning musings and just gone to the beach with a pen and journal.  I was frustrated because I couldn't remember the order of the steps.  I was frustrated with having to stand in line to use certain tools.  I was frustrated with the materials we were using.  I was frustrated with having to stand in line to get help from the teacher.  I was frustrated that everyone else seemed to "get it" and I didn't.  I was just frustrated all the way around.  I think I used the word shit in that one workshop more than I have my entire life put together.  One of the big reasons I almost didn't finish making anything was because multiple times throughout the day I just sat in my chair, staring into space, trying to decide if I should just get up and walk out.  But then I would think about the $20 I spent on supplies (I know $20 isn't a lot of money but it is when you're broke) and I would force myself to continue, determined to walk out of that class with something.  And I did...eventually.  I'm not really sure how I feel about what I made but at least I made something.

That evening was show & tell.  It's a display of some of the work created over the past three days in the various workshops.  It was neat to see what the other classes created and it gave me an idea of who I'd like to work with in the future should I come to ArtFest again.  I think my absolute favorite display was the funky wallpaper people created in Anahata Katkin's class.  It may sound weird but believe me it was super cool.

If you had asked me on the 2nd day of the workshops how I was feeling about being away from home I would have told you I dreaded the thought of returning.  I didn't dread returning to anything specific, like my family, my home, my job, etc.  I dreaded returning to who I had been the weeks preceding ArtFest, that girl I've been mentioning in the past several posts that was totally out of sorts with herself, beating herself up over body issues, and letting it all overflow into her life through total bitchiness.  I wanted to stay longer...as long as it took to get in a better frame of mind before returning home.  I didn't necessarily want to stay at ArtFest.  I didn't necessarily want to stay in a world of creating while the "real" world went on without me.  I wanted to stay in a place where I felt I could be myself, a place that is not as suffocating to me as West Texas can sometimes be.  I wanted to stay with people who understood that and were on a similar journey.  I wanted to stay in a place that gave me the room I needed to change and grow and explore, with the added bonus of encouragement from some really cool peeps.  I got knots in my stomach just thinking about having to come back to my life.  But by this last day, just one day later, I was ready.  I was missing my guys.  I was missing my bed.  I was missing my friends.  I was ready to go back as a person who had been transformed in small ways over the course of three days of workshops with some pretty incredible teachers and some even more incredible friends.  I felt ready, hopeful that things didn't have to be the way they had been.  I felt equipped with a much better attitude and a greater sense of self-love so that I could go back and be who I had been the past few days...the person I know I truly am..a capable, tender, confident, centered, creative, beautiful, deeply spiritual woman who just so happens to be a pretty damn good writer.

*shot above was taken of Kim's tool box

Comments

[Star]

Been there with the woulda, coulda, shoulda and the "bang for my buck" voice going off in my mind. Sounds like a frustrating time in class, but overall a time of searching that yielded some answers as you progressed through ArtFest. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us.

[Frankie]

What an amazing ending Michelle! I found myself yelling "yes, yes, yes!" Truly you are all of those things. Sometimes these little escapes from "real life" are exactly what we need to gain some perspective, to understand who we are and how we fit in. Even those frustrations, those moments where all we want is to curse and give up, even those experiences lead us to a better sense of who we are. I am so glad you had this time to do some self exploration. I am so glad you were able to newly discover all we know about you - "a capable, tender, confident, centered, creative, beautiful, deeply spiritual woman who just so happens to be a pretty damn good writer." Yes. Yes. Yes.

[Marilyn]

You lost me at "blow torch"... :) Yours are the first posts I think I've ever read about Art Fest that didn't make it sound like it was a 24/7 love-fest with everyone dancing barefoot in Isadora Duncan scarves and screaming over each other's fabulousness. ;) I loved hearing about ALL that you felt while you were there...all the nitty-gritty...

[susanna]

Wow! It sounds like Art Fest really impacted your life and not just creatively. There was alot of soul searching going on, too.

I've experienced that same frustration when I took my first encaustic painting class. I hated it! I kept lighting my canvas on fire with my torch - accidently, of course. The thing is, years later I tried encaustic painting on my own and discovered I enjoyed it. Maybe the same thing will happen to you the next time you try to make jewelry? Don't beat yourself up over one class. You may have an undiscovered talent in it... :)

[Liz]

"I felt ready, hopeful that things didn't have to be the way they had been." Love that thought, that sentiment, that feeling. Thanks again for all the awesome words and the real-ness.

[Thea]

love you touch me so deeply while also cracking me up, as I read this I thought it would be a funny video if you had gotten all your "shit"'s and edited it to be one stream and then got a shot of your finished piece.

You are such a mind blowing earth rockin writer my love.

Maybe that last day was to transition you to the place you arrived to about going home?

Ehhhh.....I just love the last few lines of this post.

Love you like crazy
Xo

[kristen]

"I wanted to stay in a place where I felt I could be myself, a place that is not as suffocating to me as West Texas can sometimes be."

Don't I know this. Thank you for being so real. I hope someday we can meet in real time. xo

[liz elayne]

"a greater sense of self love"

this is the phrase that stood out to me most of all in this post.

love that this is true my friend. love this.