I feel like...

I feel like...
a woman who's getting too old, too fast
a woman who hasn't moved in days
a woman whose body aches from this lack of movement
a woman who can't seem to get enough sleep
a woman whose arms have become flabby and whose bell has become soft
a woman with a car seat in the backseat of her car
a woman who feels incredibly empty and keeps trying to fill the emptiness with food
a woman who doesn't have a clue who she is, what she wants, or what might possibly make her feel satisfied
a woman who is so many things she can't make sense out of any of them
a woman who's afraid--
afraid of loosing herself and her voice
afraid of never belonging
afraid of never feeling content
afraid of never finding peace, especially peace with herself
afraid of running out of time
afraid of not connecting to her core
afraid the day will come when she'll never be touched again
afraid some day she'll stop feeling beautiful
afraid of loosing her words, her poems
afraid of always being hungry
afraid of never really connecting to something deep
afraid of never being who she wants to be--who she knows she can be
afraid of not recognizing her own voice
afraid of dying with too much trapped inside
a woman who just ate two vanilla scones and a huge serving of lasagna and doesn't give a damn
a woman who knows something is not quite right but can't figure out what
a woman who keeps taking everything out on everyone else
a woman holding a lot of rage
a woman who can't be still
a woman who wants change but is forcing it and as a result is being destroyed by it
a woman who's lost something but she's not sure what
a woman staring out the window into the dark

Comments

[Frankie]

Yes, me too dear friend, me too. Thank you for your courage, your honesty, your beauty. You inspire me more than I will ever be able to articulate. Sending love and hugs and deep, understanding breaths. xoxo

[Cynthia]

you are so brave to write all this down,
many of the things you are afraid of, all
of us are afraid of. thanks.

[Vanessa]

i feel like all of this too

[Right Brained Gal]

I feel that we are soul mates, even though I am older than you. Everything you say on your blog, I am feeling. But unlike you, I am not brave enough to admit it to myself, let alone the world.

[Right Brained Gal]

I feel that we are soul mates, even though I am older than you. Everything you say on your blog, I am feeling. But unlike you, I am not brave enough to admit it to myself, let alone the world.

[Liz]

such beauty in the power and truth of the words you write... me too, I'm in so many of those same places too...

[pen]

can i give you a hug and just sit with you for awhile, holding your hand?
xx

[gkgirl]

powerful...

and thinking of you...

[Imelda / GreenishLady]

You are not alone. They said it. Look out the darkened window. Who do you see there, sitting with you, waiting for you to see her? Bless you for your courage in naming your fears. Our fears. We have all been there, and can be there. May Artfest give you rest, pleasure, renewal.

[Henna]

I have those same feelings right now too. They seem to surface more in spring when everything is waking up fresh and new. I will take it as sign to bloom!

[Lisa]

Truly, you are not alone.

[JanePoe (aka Deborah)]

I've been this woman before and shadows of her still lurk in the hallways of my soul. She's trying to tell you something, but that "something" is different for each of us. I was able to finally listen with the help of counseling and some antidepressent meds to get the dark clouds lifted long enough to see the horizon. Sending you peace & love. I hope Artfest brings a much needed respite and infusion of positivity. xx, JP/deb

[amy (formerly coffee and sunshine; now missbliss)]

you are seen. you are known. you are loved. you are not alone. you've spoken true words.

i hope that art fest and some time to yourself leaves you feeling refreshed and like the whole, wonderful, inspiring, creative woman you are.

[Victoria]

Dearest Tangled Wings,
I'm old enough to be your mother, so listen up:)....This too shall pass and will serve as a stepping stone for your future creativity. You are blessed with talent, more so than most.
Nothing chases away fear like counting blessings. Some Roman Historian guy said that we fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.
I spent much of my life in fear, but you know what I learned?
"Fear knocked at my door, I answered and....NOBODY WAS THERE."
After all my wasted time fearing, I learned that 99.99% of fearful thoughts are nothing but untrue.
So my dear, you are loved and treasured, you have much to offer this world, the world NEEDS people like you. And if you are suffering from depression, it's a good idea to go to the doctor.
Take care of yourself first!!!!!!!
Your "mom" in Ohio:)
Victoria

[Laura]

I can totally relate to this poem. Scary how too many of us feel this way. Maybe not all the time, but it seems it's often hovering.

[chocolate covered musings]

i'm here with you too. and i am afraid of so many of those things myself.

i found your blog via my delightful friend gypsygirl and am so glad to be here. offering you my support in any way i can offer it, sitting beside you with liz.

[liz elayne]

sitting beside you whispering, "you are not alone. i am right here."

[Missy]

Softly, under my breath even, I whisper, 'Me too.'

[Piper]

I do too. You gave me a glimpse I really needed of not being alone with all of these things - wonderful not to feel alone. I look forward to reading more. P