SPC {What I Wear-3}

Sunday I was doing a few things around the house when I happened to catch a reflection of myself in a mirror and had a sudden realization…a realization that led me to grab my camera and capture the moment.  What did I realize?  I wear a hell of a lot of hand me downs.  The shirt was from one of many closet purges by my twin cousins.  The jeans were given to me by a friend who couldn’t wear them after she lost weight (god, you gotta hate that one….here you can have my jeans now that I’m too skinny to wear them…ugh!)  And it’s not just this one outfit.  I bet up to 1/4 or 1/3 of my closet is clothes I never purchased for myself but scavenged from someone else…a friend, a cousin, a sister.  Now I’m not saying there is anything wrong with hand me downs.  It’s always nice to receive free only-slightly-used clothing and when children are concerned hand me downs are almost essential.  They grow so quickly that one can hardly afford to keep them clothed without the assistance of a few hand me downs.  But for someone complaining about not having a look she is satisfied with well, this could be a reason why.  It could definitely explain a lot about my dissatisfaction.  Instead of investing in what I really, really love I tend to settle for what’s on sale or what my sister pawns off on me. 

Of course this realization doesn’t mean I’m going to stop rummaging through my cousins’ garbage bags full of giveaways, fighting off my sister for the best garments.  No, hand me downs are pretty essential for a woman who would rather spend money on poetry books than shoes and who chooses to see movies over buying clothes.  But this realization did make me start thinking about hand me downs that overflow into other areas of my life—those thoughts and beliefs and opinions that really aren’t mine, that have been passed on and picked up along the way.  A few posts ago I wrote about how I am in the process of better defining the vision I have of myself in order to begin taking active steps towards creating that vision in my life.  For me an important part of making this happen is to begin to live out of that vision and making choices that will support that vision.  Another important aspect is forming my own opinions about things instead of forming my opinions based on the opinions of others.  It’s about forming beliefs and opinions based on my own personal experience and not someone else’s experience.  I’ve found it can be very easy to form an opinion based on someone else’s opinion when you really don’t know what you think/believe.  It's easy to go along with the person who can shout the loudest because all their shouting can distract you from hearing your own voice.  It can be easy to live from someone else's beliefs, especially if that someone is an authority figure or a person of power, than it is to do your own exploring.  It's sometimes easier to stay with what you know and are comfortable with even if it is a hand me down.  And so I'm making this a part of clarifying my life's vision.  But there's another very, very important aspect of this--I'm also giving myself permission to say I don't know until I do know.  I'm giving myself permission to not have an opinion or to not know what I think or believe about something.  I'm letting myself be okay with not knowing and allowing myself to tell someone that I'm still tossing it around and exploring it from all angles.  I'm giving myself permission to say to myself and others, this intrigues me but I'm not sure exactly what I think about it, I find this interesting but I don't really have a set opinion, I'm leaning towards this thought but I could change my mind because I'm still thinking it through, I don't know where I stand so I want to look at this a little further from different angles, I hear what you're saying but I'm undecided, or because I don't have any personal experience with this I'm keeping an open mind.  I don't always have to know what you think or what you believe.  I don't always have to have an opinion.  But I always want to have the courage to say I don't know.   

Comments

[ceanandjen]

This was such a REAL and WONDERFUL reminder...and authentic. We should indeed take time to develop our thoughts and opinions on things that are unfamiliar to us...or even, dare I say, choose not to form thoughts or opinions on things that really do not interest us or pertain to us. It's a bit powerful in it's simplicity really...and freeing...but how often do we look at this and give ourselves that permission? You are wise M, so so wise.

....and you DO look really cute in these photos!!! xoxo

[colorsonmymind]

ahhhh fu8k I wish I had something witty to say but all I can do is continue to nod my head-you write what feel- and so beautifully.

I treasure you my dear friend.

[Beth]

All I can say is that no matter what you wear or what you write, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever blogged with !!! And because of those two things, I think we all know how beautiful your heart is !

[Dee]

People that know me, know that "I don't know" means I don't have a preference. It's not that I don't care, I do, just on whatever topic we're discussing, I'm pretty good with whatever. Usually it's a question of where should we go to dinner.... I joke that one day I'm going to open a restaurant and call it "I don't know" or "I don't care". Everyone always seems to want to go to them.

There is a benefit to having someone borrow, and often not return clothes. I need to get in better shape and seeing my clothes on someone else usually is good motivation.

Thanks for sharing!

[kelly]

you are so darn cute!

[claudia]

congrats on your new blog! i'll have to put up the new link on mine. sounds like you've been going thru a lot lately, but are coming out this side with flying colors!! thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us. i see a lot of me in you!
xoc

[daisies]

plus ~ you look super cute in those handmedowns .. i love handmedowns, they always feel so beautifully comfortably worn ...

[daisies]

me too ... the courage to say 'i don't know'. i remember when i was student teaching grade 11 english and someone asked me a question and i didn't know. it was empowering to say 'i don't know but why don't we both look into it and compare notes tomorrow'. it became a good teaching tool. i'd forgotten that and i think often that i don't have an opinion either, i can come off wishy washy but really its because i don't know enough to always know what i think ...

i know that i am loving the way you are stimulating my brain and making me think about things that i really need to think about. again, i thank you. xox

[jenica]

a testimony is like a toothbrush...it's just better to use your own.

wishing you happy thoughts today in your hand-me-down-make-it-your-own voyage. ;-D

[gkgirl]

isn't it funny
how something so seemingly benign
as realizing you wear alot of
hand me downs
can lead to such an insightful observation
into one's attitudes and beleifs...

:)

[Cathy]

To say, "I don't know" to someone makes you sound wishy-washy, but in reality it is closer to the truth than anything else you can say. There are so many things that we can't possibility know. You are wise to recognize this in yourself and be brave enough to say it to others.

[Swirly]

I love the analogy of the clothing to your beliefs...brilliant. And I applaud you for having an awareness of where your beliefs, goals, dreams, ideals come from, having an awareness that maybe things you've taken for granted might not fit anymore. A great message for everyone.

[jessabean]

Oh my God...this was me, this IS me. The second part of the post, at least. I tried so hard to live up to the expectations of my stronger, more assured and vibrant friends. It is okay to say "I don't know." I think it's also good to have support in this endeavor. Thanks for the reminder--today I'll resolve to say "I don't know what I think about this" until I do.

[kristen]

You are doing such amazing work here - I love the truths you are finding and most of all, I love the belief you are finding in yourself.

"It's sometimes easier to stay with what you know and are comfortable with even if it is a hand me down..."

Your truths friend, are making me ask myself what my truths are, and I thank you for that. xoxo

[kim]

u look utterly adorable ;) my mom and I have traded clothes for years, depending on who is losing weight and who is gaining. Sometimes I see a box of clothes she is getting ready to give away and say ... hey, that was my sweater from 15 years ago, you cant give THAT away ... but of course, I cant wear it anymore. (we do the same thing with our jewelry)

[wendy]

This is why I tagged you over at my blog...

This and that I laughed a little thinking of my sister giving me her hand me down.. Seeing as she is a full 7-8 inches taller than I am(and was)..and let's just say she sports her assets in front, while I drag mine in back!!!